Robotic Ramblings
by The-Great-Eagleman
Summary: A short, 20th Anniversary celebration piece, focusing on Dr Ivo "Eggman" Robotnik. Contains nods & references to various Sonic the Hedgehog media, including comics, novels, etc.


**Disclaimer:** The following piece of fiction is not for profit and fan-made. Sonic the Hedgehog & all associated characters are the property of SEGA & Archie Comics.

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><p><em><span>Sonic the Hedgehog <span>_

_Robotic Ramblings_

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><p>The soft clackety-clack of computer keys mixed with a soft buzzing sound as the small army of electronic drones went about their business. Brilliant evil scientist Dr Ivo Robotnik settled back comfortably into his custom-made chair and closed his eyes, humming along to the steady tone. These were the days he enjoyed best, the ones spent quietly planning and plotting in the dark as his mindless minions worked tirelessly around him.<p>

A short bald man walked into the darkened room, nervously leafing through a thick stack of technical reports. He moved quickly across the chamber, beady eyes darting between the silent badniks, and sat down at his usual station. As he reached for the monitor's controls, a deep voice cut through the eerie atmosphere, making him jump in his seat.

"You're 35 seconds late Snively." He took a second to wipe the sweat off his hands before answering the rotund dictator in his high, nasal voice.

"I'm very sorry sir. The buzz bomber factory was running behind on its daily quota."

"I don't care for your excuses Snively."

"Yes sir. Sorry sir." Snively ducked his head anxiously, expecting the usual tirade of angry and hurtful words. The silence that followed instead was most unusual, and after an extended period he raised his head cautiously to glance at his volatile uncle. What he saw only puzzled him further; instead of looking furious, his uncle appeared to be... smiling.

Dr Robonik raised an eyebrow at his only living relative before speaking in a calm voice.

"Do you know what today is Snively?"

"No sir."

"Today is a day of great significance. It was 20 years ago today that I completed my first Roboticizer, beginning my inevitable conquest of this world. Of course it was on that very same fateful day that my beautiful machine was destroyed... by the self-proclaimed hero of this worthless planet, Sonic the Hedgehog!"

His entire body shuddered violently as the hated name passed his lips. Robotnik took several deep, shuddering breaths that only partially succeeded in calming his mind. Even after all this time, the memory of that first painful encounter burned like acid. He could still smell the smoke coming off the wrecked roboticizer, hear the roar of the fire as it's internal systems exploded, and feel the sting of Sonic's boot digging into his back as the hedgehog used him as a human shield. It was the most painful defeat he had ever suffered and he positively hated remembering it.

With a great effort he wrenched his mind forward to a more pleasant memory, one that reminded him why he considered this anniversary to be a good day.

"I had plans Snivley! Grand plans! And plots, oh what marvellous plots I schemed back then. I was going to take this disgustingly beautiful planet and turn it into a delightfully toxic wasteland. Did you know that Snively? A world of gleaming metal, foul toxins and choking ash."

"It sounds positively wonderful. Sir."

"It was a _dream_ Snivley. _Of course_ it was wonderful. Then that blasted hedgehog came along..."

"Oh great lord of lard..." The sharp ringing of Robotnik's metal hand batting away his stainless steel goblet interrupted the badnik mid-sentence, just as it had done to him.

"Don't interrupt me when I'm rambling Crabmeat. Unless you want to end up in the same scrap heap as that failure Zonic?"

"But, your blubberness..."

The stench of burning metal and ozone filled the air, combining with Crabmeat's electronic screams as every circuit in his metal case was fried simultaneously. Robotnik didn't take his pudgy finger off the small yellow button until the lifeless robot fell to the floor with a clang, then waved his hand in a dismissive gesture. Two Swatbots stepped forward to remove the mess.

The demented scientist shifted in his seat, moving his enormous girth into a more comfortable position. He took the time to yawn and scratch an itch on his nose before turning his incredible intellect back towards thoughts of years past.

"Now, what was I saying before I was so rudely cut off?" Snively considered providing an answer, but before he could do more than open his mouth his eggotistical uncle had already settled on a different topic of conversation.

"Never mind, it doesn't matter. Do you know what really twists my gears? That rotten blasted name everyone calls me now. It's eggsasperating! I used to be feared Snivley! Children, adults and animals alike used to run screaming in terror whenever they heard my name. Now they don't even remember it! They only call me 'Dr Eggman'. Blast, even I can't remember what I was called! All I have is that insulting nickname. It's infuriating!"

Knowing from previous experience that the dictator's dialogue had strayed into dangerous territory, Snively scrambled for a topic that would prove more agreeable.

"But uncle, you always say it's your accomplishments that really matter. Everyone remembers the Death Egg you built!" The ploy worked marvellously, Dr Robotnik reclined back in his chair, a strange gleam in his eyes.

"Yes, you are of course correct Snively. Even my enemies cannot deny my brilliance when recalling my many genius creations. Sonic himself has admitted being impressed by some of my more creative efforts."

"I've always thought of Metal Sonic as your most inspired moment, sir."

"Yes, yes, that's quite possible. But actually, the closest I ever came to destroying Sonic was many years ago, with my real-life house of horrors. Oh you should have seen it Snively, it was positively horrible! It even had a real Vampire. A Vampire Snively!" A lone, proud tear rolled down his fat cheek at the memory. Unable to see the rare sight from his seat, Snively asked the question that naturally came to mind.

"I suppose that was during your 'all-eggs-all-the-time' diet, was it sir?"

"Yesss, so it was. Oh how I miss those delightfully rotten days! It was a very sad day when I realised there were some jobs I just couldn't manage from within the Egg-o-matic. This curse of having to use my own legs and watch my weight is just yet another thing I can blame on that cursed hedgehog! Oh to be young and immobile again..."

A trail of drool began to dribble slowly down Robotnik's chin as he sat absorbed in happy memories of his youth. The milky liquid fell the short distance to his red shirt just as the console in front of him started emitting a loud screeching siren. Startled awake, he clumsily swiped at his chin and shirt with one hand while the other stabbed irritably at the controls. A dark monitor flickered to life, showing the footage from a high-speed security drone. Robotnik's fat lips twisted into a nasty grin.

"Snively! Activate the new badniks in Sector 93! Batbrain! Activate traps & pitfalls 365 through 487!" His subordinates literally jumped to obey his harsh, shouted orders. Satisfied that his preparations would be ready in time, Robotnik leaned back in his extra-extra-large chair, steeped his fingers, and chuckled lowly.

"Now Sonic, let us see how you survive this time. Happy Anniversary, you blue pest."

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><p><strong>AN:** I hope you enjoyed this special anniversary fanfic for Sonic's 20th Birthday. Bonus points to anyone who manages to spot all of the little references & nods I managed to squeeze in.

Happy Anniversary Sonic & Crew, thanks for the memories and good luck with the next 20 years!


End file.
